Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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