The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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