Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
