So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize