Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In other news, I just burned my penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
