And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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