Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
