I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He shit in the fireplace
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
