You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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