i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize