wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
