Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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