my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
