I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
