Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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