took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i dont even know how to be here
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
