It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
