someone owes me an orgasm
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
