I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
