doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
