That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
