I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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