is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
