Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
