dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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