Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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