i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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