just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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