it was like eating out sand paper
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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