Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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