Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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