who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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