At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
