Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
