She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
