She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
