I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bring me that man meat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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