What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
