as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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