i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
