We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
