I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
