first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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