mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
