He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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