Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
