at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
