We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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