I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
