yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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