just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
