As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
