So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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