Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
