he wants to bone in the snuggie
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
