i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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