I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
