so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
