i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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