Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
