Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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