No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
