Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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