I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
