just come out here and I will go home with you...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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