My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
