Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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