I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
