4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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