I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
